Archive for November, 2012

Mark Disabuses Me of Culinary Delusions

So I made potato soup and challah for dinner last night.  I thought it turned out pretty well.  Not a universal opinion, apparently.

Mark:  “This bread is crunchy.  Is bread supposed to be crunchy?”

Me:  “Hush up and eat your dinner.”

Mark:  “I can finish my kool-aid in one gulp.”

Me:  “Should that be your new nickname?  ‘One-Gulp'”?

Mark:  “No.  ‘Stew-slinger.'”

Me:  “Stew-slinger?”

Mark:  “Yes.  This is why I want you to show me how to cook soup.  It will be useful on the battlefield.”

Me:  “How?” (I’m all impressed.  He’s thinking about operational logistics.  A warrior’s gotta eat, ya know.)

Mark:  “I will throw it at my enemies.”

Most Illogical, Captain

So Kate and I went to see the local theater’s production of Rogers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella.

(First question:  how did I get this far in life without having seen this?  Particularly given the copious number of filmed musicals we watched as children?  Anyway, I hadn’t.  But ask me about ‘Oklahoma’, ‘Seven Brides for Seven Brothers’, and/or every Rock Hudson/Doris Day movie made.  Second question:  were there people on the planet, besides my sisters and I, who had seen enough of those to think ‘Down with Love’ was hilarious?)

Anyway, it didn’t go so well.  Kate is not, shall we say, a naturally romantic soul.

Prince (singing):  “Ten minutes ago I saw you…you gave me the feeling the room had no ceiling or floor…”

Kate:  “Huh?  They’d FALL.”

Prince (singing):  “Do I love you because you’re beautiful?  Or are you beautiful because I love you?”

Kate:  “That makes NO SENSE.”

King (yup, singing): “Do you love her because she’s beautiful?  Or is she beautiful because you love her?”

Kate (loudly): “WHY ISN’T ANYONE IN THIS PLAY MAKING SENSE?”

Surrounding patrons:  (snort)(“Shh!”)(chortle)(cough)(“Shhh!”)

We spent intermission brainstorming how they managed the stage effects.

Mark’s Love Life is Complicated

Pulling up to karate, Sam sees another student through the window.

Sam:  “Oh no!  Not her!”

Me:  “What’s wrong with her?”

Sam:  “She likes to tickle me!”

Me:  “Ah, well, it’s to be expected.  You’re adorable.  It’s the hair.” (Sam’s is a reasonable, sedate strawberry blond rather than Mark’s fire engine-meets-supernova.)

Sam scowls and goes inside.

Mark:  “I already KNOW who I’m going to marry.”

Me:  “Oh?”

Mark:  “She’s in my class.  I admire her.”

Me:  “What do you admire about her?”

Mark:  “Her hair.  It’s beautiful.  It sparkles.  It shines.”

Me:  “What color is it?”

Mark (dreamily):  “Blond.”

Me:  “Ah.”  Mark’s fondness for blonds is not a new thing.  His precocious appreciation for girls is, at least to me.  His brothers were decidedly not like this.  It’s a bit odd, living with mini Casanova.

Mark:  “I try to smooth my hair down around her.  To impress her.”  (his tone turns mournful).  “But I can’t have a wife until I kill the giant spider.”

Me:  “Oh?”

Mark:  “I keep searching for its weaknesses.”

Me: “It’s okay.  You’ve got time.”

 

With Great Power…

Mark:  “This looks like a job for Yellow Lightning!”

Me:  “I thought you were Bloody Axe.”

Mark:  “I WAS.  Now I am Yellow Lightning.  My enemy is Black Cloud.  He sucked up ALL the water from the oceans.  I made him drop it.”

Me:  “Hmm.”

Paul:  “Can I have friends over tonight?”

Me:  “Sure.”

Paul:  “Until 1 or 2 AM?”

Me:  “Midnight.”

Paul:  “1 AM?”

Me:  “Midnight.”

Mark:  “Do you need Yellow Lightning to deal with this?”

Me:  “No.”

 

We Miss Sidewalks

Walking to the bus stop:

Mark:  “My superhero instincts tell me there’s danger near.”

Kate:  “We’re walking in the ROAD.  We could be hit by a CAR and KILLED.  OF COURSE there is danger.”

Mark:  “REAL danger.  I sense  REAL danger.”

Kate:  “Getting hit by a car IS real danger.”

Mark:  “Getting cut in half by a LASER is real danger.”

Kate:  “You’re dead either way.”

Mark:  “Hffphm.”

Not the Hero We Deserve. I Sure Hope.

Mark:  “Did ya know I have a new secret identity?”

Me:  “Oh?”

Mark:  “Yeah.  It’s BLOODY AXE.”

Me:  “That seems a bit…extreme.”

Mark:  “Not many bad guys know about it.  They say, ‘Who are you’?”  (waves invisible axe).  “I say, ‘Can’t you GUESS?'”

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