Archive for December, 2013


So we’re in the parking lot of the grocery store…

Mark:  “I can run FAST.  I am half-cheetah.”

Me:  “Wait.  I know both your parents.  Which of us is the cheetah?”

Mark (considering):  “You, I guess.”

Me (jokingly):  “Me?  I guess even cheetahs can get old and fat.”

Mark (the half-shrug again):  “I guess so.”

Kate:  “Mom?  A cheetah?  No way.”

Mark:  “Why not?  She could go fast if she had to.”

Kate:  “Maybe in a CAR.”

But it turns out Mark was right.

The next moment, he decided to demonstrate his cheetah power and took off running.  Which meant Mom had to execute a desperate running lunge to grab him before he pelted into the path of a car.  Mark sees parking lots as wide open running spaces.  Cars, unfortunately, tend to believe they are for driving, usually too fast.  I guess Mom is a cheetah.  Given the right incentive.


At breakfast…

Kate:  “I need your signature on FOUR forms.”

Me:  “I’d feel better if you’d say, ‘I need your autograph.'”

Kate:  “Haha.  Now sign the forms.”

Mark:  “_I_ think you should ask for her autograph.  After all, she’s going to be FAMOUS some day.”

Me (in my head):  What a sweet, albeit unrealistic, idea of what’s going to happen when my book comes out next year…

Mark (continues):  “When I invent time travel and teleportation, she’s going to be famous as the mother as a GENIUS.”


Mark:  “I can do a Harry Potter English accent.”

Me:  “Oh?  How’s that?”

Mark:  “I was born in Pittsburgh, right?”

Me:  “I’m with you so far.”

Mark:  “And Pittsburgh was settled by the English, right?”

Me:  “That’s true–”

Mark:  “That means I’m English.  So I can easily SOUND English.  It’s IN MY BLOOD.”


So this happened at dinner last night…

Kate:  “Do you get periods in fifth grade?”

Me (in my head):  AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!   Oh no.  THIS conversation.  Right now?  At dinner?  DIDN’T I GIVE YOU A BOOK THAT COVERED ALL THIS??

Me (out loud):  “Um, not usually.  Most people get to junior high first.”

Kate:  “What about high school?”

Me:  “That’s a little late.”

Kate (a lovely little ripple of confusion spreading across her forehead):  “Why wouldn’t you change classes in high school?”


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