Archive for the ‘Grossocity Olympics’ Category

Grossocity Olympics: Gold

So we’re at the playground a month ago, and I notice Mark is walking kinda funny.  Now, Mark is a fairly new potty-competent child, so I suspect he needs to go.

I ask about this.  He assures me that he DOES NOT need to go potty.

But he’s still walking funny.  So I insist.

Which is when he pulls a half-eaten ring pop from his underwear.

Clearly, he had found this charming item on the playground, and apparently not hungry just then, decided to save it for later.  But he had no pockets, see…

Grossocity Olympics: Silver

When Paul was about eighteen months old, we found him on his hands and knees on the sidewalk, trying to chew free a squashed-flat circle of bubble gum.

I managed to grab him, bewildered, and frankly perturbed at being interrupted, but I felt like I was going to either pass out or throw up.

Of course, Paul IS a first child.  If something like this happened again, I doubt my reaction would be so extreme (the feeling ill part, not the grabbing him part.  That, I would do just as fast.)

On the other hand, this incident DID hold the Disgusting Moments record until just a month ago, when Mark dethroned him…

Grossocity Olympics: Bronze

When Sam was 4, he liked to hang around the house with little or nothing on, like most kids that age.  He also, however, liked grapes.

Not a good combination, as it turned out.

It was a hot summer, see, and Sam discovered that if he rolled the grapes, nice and cool from the fridge, around in his underwear before he ate them, he was sort of getting a two-fer.

Grossness-wise, this is only the bronze, but it led to my all-time favorite (so far) bizarre thing I’ve had to say as a parent:  “Do NOT put your grapes on your penis!”

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