Archive for the ‘Warrior Princess (Kate)’ Category

On Determining Gender in (Magic?) Cats

Overheard from the backseat on the way to Target this afternoon:

Kate:  “If Cloudy were magic and could turn into a human, I’d marry him.”

Mark:  “Why?”

Kate:  “He’s seen me naked.  And he’s a boy.  I’d HAVE to marry him.”

Mark:  “Maybe he CAN turn into a human but he doesn’t, because he only likes you as a friend.”

Kate:  “Cloudy LOVES me.”

Mark:  “Maybe.  And how do you even know he’s a boy?”

Kate:  “He MUST be a boy.  His farts are TERRIBLE.”

Meditations upon the Potential IQ of a Peach (I mean Nectarine)

Me:  “I’m going to have a nectarine for a snack.  Mark, do you want a nectarine?  I can cut it up for you.”

Mark:  “I don’t like nectarines.”

Me:  “Nectarines are bald peaches.  You like peaches.  You would probably like nectarines.”

Mark:  “I don’t like nectarines.”

[same conversation repeats with Kate]

I cut up one nectarine.

Mark:  “Hey!  That looks like a peach.  Can I have a piece?”

Me:  “Go ahead.”

Mark:  “It TASTES like a peach.  Can I have one?  I guess I like nectarines.”

Me:  “Okay.”

[same conversation repeats with Kate]

Kate:  “I wonder how smart a peach would be if its pit were a brain.”  [holding up the pit]  “It’s pretty big compared to the whole peach.”

Mark:  “However smart it would be, it wouldn’t be smarter than ME.”

Kate:  “Smarter than you as you are, and as it is, or smarter relative to size?  Your brain compared to your body, and its brain compared to it?”

Mark:  “Either way.  I would be smarter than a PEACH either way.”

Kate:  “It’s a nectarine.”

Not Too Old Yet

Mark just started third grade, and Kate the fifth, so they’re not little-bitty kids anymore.  But they’re still young enough for this sort of conversation to take place:

(In the pool)

Mark (splashing):  “Bruhahaha!”

Kate:  “Stop!  Let me get used to the water before you attack.”

(she swims around to get acclimated, then climbs out to go off the diving board.”

Mark:  “Aaacck!  You showed me your butt crack!”

Kate:  “Not on purpose.  My suit slid down.”

Mark (sensing an opportunity):  “I will be revenged.  FOR THE SHOWING OF THE BUTT CRAACCCKKKK!!!”

(much splashing)

Trust Issues

So Kate, Mark, and the Neighbor Child are in the backseat…

Mark:  “I was on green today.”

NC:  “Which of us gets in trouble at school the most?”

No one answers.  This answer is obvious.  Poor Mark.

NC (persisting, to Kate):  “Have you ever NOT been on green?”

Kate:  “No.”  A pause.  “Well, there was this one time.  But I don’t want to talk about it.”

NC:  “Why not?”

Kate:  “I keep it secret.”

NC:  “I won’t tell anyone.”

Kate (silent reluctance).

NC:  “I pinky swear.”

Mark, evidently still annoyed about being cast as the Bad Child, snarls:  “We don’t trust your pinky.”


Urban Child Meets Rural Upbringing

Kate:  “There were five deer in own backyard.”

Me:  “And apparently they like daylilies.  They’re chomped down to the roots.”

Kate:  “They must taste good.”

Me:  “I expect they taste good.”

Kate (horrified):  “Do you mean…the deer?”

Me:  “Yup.”

Kate (even more horrified):  “You’ve eaten deer???”

Me:  “Yup.  My dad made deer and pork sausage one year.  It was excellent.”

Kate:  “That’s disgusting.”

I have bad news for this kid.  She obviously doesn’t remember it, but she’s eaten deer too…

Misfired Sisterly Insult

Kate:  “Your brain is the size of a cantaloupe.”

Mark thinks it over.  “Thank you.”

Kate (incredulous):  “What?”

Mark:  “A cantaloupe is pretty big.”

Kate:  “I meant a LITTLE cantaloupe.”

Mark Puts the Smack-down on Paul

So we’re enroute to grandma’s house for Christmas…

Mark and Kate are watching Sky High on the portable DVD player.

Mark:  “How old is this movie? It must be old.”

Sam:  “2004?”

Kate:  “I think 1995.”

Mark:  “It can’t be THAT old.  It’s not in black and white.”

Paul (born 1996):  “Not cool, Mark.  NOT cool.”


So we’re in the parking lot of the grocery store…

Mark:  “I can run FAST.  I am half-cheetah.”

Me:  “Wait.  I know both your parents.  Which of us is the cheetah?”

Mark (considering):  “You, I guess.”

Me (jokingly):  “Me?  I guess even cheetahs can get old and fat.”

Mark (the half-shrug again):  “I guess so.”

Kate:  “Mom?  A cheetah?  No way.”

Mark:  “Why not?  She could go fast if she had to.”

Kate:  “Maybe in a CAR.”

But it turns out Mark was right.

The next moment, he decided to demonstrate his cheetah power and took off running.  Which meant Mom had to execute a desperate running lunge to grab him before he pelted into the path of a car.  Mark sees parking lots as wide open running spaces.  Cars, unfortunately, tend to believe they are for driving, usually too fast.  I guess Mom is a cheetah.  Given the right incentive.


At breakfast…

Kate:  “I need your signature on FOUR forms.”

Me:  “I’d feel better if you’d say, ‘I need your autograph.'”

Kate:  “Haha.  Now sign the forms.”

Mark:  “_I_ think you should ask for her autograph.  After all, she’s going to be FAMOUS some day.”

Me (in my head):  What a sweet, albeit unrealistic, idea of what’s going to happen when my book comes out next year…

Mark (continues):  “When I invent time travel and teleportation, she’s going to be famous as the mother as a GENIUS.”


So this happened at dinner last night…

Kate:  “Do you get periods in fifth grade?”

Me (in my head):  AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!   Oh no.  THIS conversation.  Right now?  At dinner?  DIDN’T I GIVE YOU A BOOK THAT COVERED ALL THIS??

Me (out loud):  “Um, not usually.  Most people get to junior high first.”

Kate:  “What about high school?”

Me:  “That’s a little late.”

Kate (a lovely little ripple of confusion spreading across her forehead):  “Why wouldn’t you change classes in high school?”


%d bloggers like this: