Posts Tagged ‘Homeschooling’

I’d forgotten about this: Sam WIN

I was glancing through old Facebook notes.  I’d forgotten about this gem from April 1, 2009, which was before I had the blog…

So I had a faux school schedule all set up for Paul for today:

Religion (30 min)
Prove the existence of God, or lack thereof
Math (1 hr)
What is zero divided by two?
Spelling (15 min)
Why does i come before e unless after c?
Grammar (30 min)
Diagram the sentences of your literature assignment

Literature (1 hr)
Read the complete works of Shakespeare

Writing (1 hr)
Write your name in stars across a moonless night

History (1 hr)
Summarize human history in 25 words or less.

Latin (30-60 min)
Ixnay atinlay hodatay

Logic (30-60 min)
Argue the opposite of whatever you did for Religion

PE (30 min)
Point your finger and do the twist

1 Hour Free Reading
Bike to Wendy’s. Decipher the graffiti in the bathroom

7:34 AM. Frantic knocking on my bedroom door.
Paul: Dad, Dad! Did Mom remember April Fool’s Day?

Note he was hollering for his father, just in case Mom had not, in fact, constructed the schedule as a joke and they were dealing with a crazy woman.

We explain, laugh at him, and give him his real schedule for the day. I come downstairs. On the door to the basement (where Paul does his schoolwork) is the following:

“Furting in progress! And anyone can come downstairs. I don’t care. You can check my spelling. Do not look on other side. PS I’m fat. Paul wrote this.”

Me: Furting?

Sam (poker-faced): I think he meant ‘farting’.

On the forbidden side of the paper was Paul’s REAL note:

sulking in proggress [sic]
do not desterb [sic]
and don’t check my spelling either.

Me: Sam, did you spell a word wrong so it would seem more like Paul?

Sam: heeheehee

Still holds the record for the Best April Fools’ Day Prank in our house.

Cinderella will be homeschooled for sure

So I walked Kate to school this morning.  As usual, the shoes she chose to wear were about as sensible as glass slippers.  This time, bright blue clogs that are a bit too big and keep slipping off her feet.  Not to mention that as they slip around, bits of dirt and gravel get in, irritating her tender princessy feet.

She stopped for the third time, in the two block walk, to clean them out, leaning against the trash can outside the school while wiping off her foot.

A car pulls up to drop a kid off for school.  When the door opens, a little boy leaps out, calling, “I have to help Kate!”  He scurries over to where the poor pitiful little girl is still struggling with her begraveled tootsies, kneels down, shakes out the shoe, and slids  it back onto her foot.

Obviously, his Prince Charming training took.

This is the effect she’s having in kindergarten?  She’ll be homeschooled by middle school just for my sanity’s sake.

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