Posts Tagged ‘Literature’

The Apprentice Becomes the Master

So for years now, I’ve used a technique I call “Audiobooks for the Captive Audience” to introduce my kids to new books while we’re in the car and they can’t escape.

Mark has turned my strategy against me.

He’s playing a book in the car that makes my ears hurt and my soul feel like it is being rubbed across a cheese grater.

I have a high tolerance for adaptations, and a reasonable tolerance for allusions to / inspiration from other books.  I have no tolerance for flat-up imitations.

The book he’s forcing into my head, much like an ice pick, is basically a retelling of The Hobbit.   He knows this.  This is WHY HE THINKS I SHOULD LIKE IT.

There are four books in this series.


Harry Potter Meets Dinos

Mark listens to Harry Potter audiobooks every night while he’s going to sleep.  He also has a set of plastic dinosaurs that converse as they fight.  Which is how this came about:

Plastic Maiasaur:  “My father was a plant-eater, like me.”

Plastic Brachiosaur:  “It turns out my father was a carnivore.  Bit of a nasty shock when I found out.”


Mark Assesses My Mood

Mark (tapping  my wedding ring thoughtfully):  “Are you sure this isn’t Frodo’s Ring?”

Me:  “The One Ring was destroyed at Mount Doom.  So, no.”

Mark:  “Are you sure?”

Me:  “Yes.  Why?”

Mark:  “Well, you have been a bit evil lately.”

Apparently it’s been a cranky week.  But if you’d have met eldest child when he was little, you’d understand why I’ve run through my lifetime supply of patience early.

End of School Poem

Sumer is icumen in

Llude scream “Aaii!”

Goeth time and bloweth mind

The kids are home from school.

Scream “Aaii!”


One chaseth cat,

Cat scratcheth, child wailest,

Mama holds her head.

“Aaii, aaii!”  Well she misseth school.

Citation Needed

In the car on the way to Mark’s last day of preschool:

Mark:  “I am the king of cats!  Catwoman and Catman bow down to ME.”

Me (remembering Romeo and Juliet):  “Then your name is Tybalt?”

Mark:  “What?”

Me:  “The king of cats is named Tybalt.”

Mark (skeptically):  “The King of Cats is named Tybalt?  How do you know this?  Is it a story?”

Me (because really I know about this is the play’s reference to Tybalt as the king of cats):  “Um…yeah.”

Mark (sensing weakness):  “Who wrote it?  Who’s the publisher?”


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