Meditations upon the Potential IQ of a Peach (I mean Nectarine)

Me:  “I’m going to have a nectarine for a snack.  Mark, do you want a nectarine?  I can cut it up for you.”

Mark:  “I don’t like nectarines.”

Me:  “Nectarines are bald peaches.  You like peaches.  You would probably like nectarines.”

Mark:  “I don’t like nectarines.”

[same conversation repeats with Kate]

I cut up one nectarine.

Mark:  “Hey!  That looks like a peach.  Can I have a piece?”

Me:  “Go ahead.”

Mark:  “It TASTES like a peach.  Can I have one?  I guess I like nectarines.”

Me:  “Okay.”

[same conversation repeats with Kate]

Kate:  “I wonder how smart a peach would be if its pit were a brain.”  [holding up the pit]  “It’s pretty big compared to the whole peach.”

Mark:  “However smart it would be, it wouldn’t be smarter than ME.”

Kate:  “Smarter than you as you are, and as it is, or smarter relative to size?  Your brain compared to your body, and its brain compared to it?”

Mark:  “Either way.  I would be smarter than a PEACH either way.”

Kate:  “It’s a nectarine.”

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Not Too Old Yet

Mark just started third grade, and Kate the fifth, so they’re not little-bitty kids anymore.  But they’re still young enough for this sort of conversation to take place:

(In the pool)

Mark (splashing):  “Bruhahaha!”

Kate:  “Stop!  Let me get used to the water before you attack.”

(she swims around to get acclimated, then climbs out to go off the diving board.”

Mark:  “Aaacck!  You showed me your butt crack!”

Kate:  “Not on purpose.  My suit slid down.”

Mark (sensing an opportunity):  “I will be revenged.  FOR THE SHOWING OF THE BUTT CRAACCCKKKK!!!”

(much splashing)

Misfired Sisterly Insult

Kate:  “Your brain is the size of a cantaloupe.”

Mark thinks it over.  “Thank you.”

Kate (incredulous):  “What?”

Mark:  “A cantaloupe is pretty big.”

Kate:  “I meant a LITTLE cantaloupe.”